Is your anxious NO making business decisions for you?

Is your anxious pattern (AP) making decisions in your business that are costing you? I’m asking as my silent AP almost cost me significantly this month! More on this soon...

For years (honestly up to my late 30s), I had no idea that I operated in anxious behaviours most of the time. I think I had what some say is high functioning anxiety.

On the outside I looked like I was coping, I got a lot done, yet my life was ruled by rules and in my parenting I said “no” a lot... it wasn’t until after separating and having my world tipped upside down that I realised my anxious pattern was rigid control, and working myself hard to maintain it in EVERY AREA of life... cue overwhelm often!

My AP - Control = safety (a false reality as nothing thrives in that pattern)

Pause for a moment and reflect... what could be your AP?

I’ve just come back from the Sunshine Coast, a trip that almost didn’t happen.

Technically, we didn’t really need to be there. Neither of my boys was playing in the under 15s national tournament this year. But my eldest really wanted to go and support the team he played in for the last three years. And by chance, there was an international lacrosse tournament on at the same time, in the lead up to the Olympics.

So when he raised it with me,

"my immediate knee jerk reaction was NO. I don’t have time."

It’s a busy time of year in my businesses. And it’s the school holidays, so everything’s going to be twice as expensive (because of course it is, right?!).

And that was the decision I held for weeks, every time he asked. And every time he asked, I felt myself feel more pressure... (that’s how it starts for me).

Then on a drive together, in a week where I was more at ease, he asked again, and this time I just let myself sit with it. I really heard what he was asking... not just to support his team but to help coach and guide them... he was asking me to let him be the man I have raised him to be... my AP was offline, my heart was online and inspired ideas followed.

I remembered we’d be close to family. I had friends up there. Just by asking, I could probably get accommodation. My brother had a car I could borrow.

Within 20 minutes of sending some DMs, our accommodation and transport were covered. Looked up flights and scored a great price!

I’d locked in a couple of business meetings I could do while I was up there. And being there at that time meant we got to have an early family Christmas with my family, which just wouldn’t have happened this year, because my boys are spending Christmas with their dad.

So much opportunity and abundance came in. The whole trip happened effortlessly.

We had the most incredible time with family and friends. My boys got to watch the sport they love at an international level. Australia playing against teams like China, Saudi Arabia, Japan.

I got to witness my eldest step into a version of a man I’m deeply proud of, as he support coached and, in crucial moments, was on the field rallying them to many wins!

It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. One I never should have contemplated missing.

And yet my AP could very well have taken it away from us.

So here’s what I’ve been sitting with since.

My immediate NO almost always shows up when I’m already at capacity and my AP has quietly been running...

She is the version of me that’s highly anxious, yet hyper performing.

The one that feels like when everything is in her control, she’s getting it done. She takes on more responsibility than is necessarily hers. And there’s a part of her that feels like she’s never quite good enough as a mum.

These patterns often don’t just show up in our personal lives. These unconscious, anxious (AP) responses are making decisions in our businesses all the time.

You have a slow month, so you go to create a new offer. And then you stall and stall and stall on it, because you don’t want to get it wrong.

Or you have a quiet period and you stall on launching. Trying to get it perfect first, to avoid the quote unquote “failure” happening again.

I see this in so many of the women I work with. They’re on track, then something tips their version of AP into action and they stall... most of the time they are completely unaware and often put it down to being too busy, or not knowing enough to go forward.

They focus on strategy, getting it right, but the stall is almost 100% a mindset block they can’t get around until we work on it.

If you’ve read this far, thank you... this was an important one. The good news is APs, once you have awareness of them, can be shifted quickly!

And I have a way you can do this coming very soon!

For now reflect: what’s one decision your anxious NO might be making in your business right now? Hit reply and let me know.

With love,

Mira Claudia